I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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