haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
3pm strippers are depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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