Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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