don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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