I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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