I bet he comes in French.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
