I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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