My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
