Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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