It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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