I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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