Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
