someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
