if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
A+ Viking dick
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
