I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
