It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
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He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
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I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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