The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You may now shotgun with the bride
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
