Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
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He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
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you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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