How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
