you turned your livingroom into a bong?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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