ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
