it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
