Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
