Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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