I'm lost and stupid without you.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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