i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
