just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
