Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
