I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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