He is such a slut. More and more my type.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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