His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
40s are totally the cure
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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