My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
