You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
