Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
