It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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