I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
