allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
