First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dignity is for republicans.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
