You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
