We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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