tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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