Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
