THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
