no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
