Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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