if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
