it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
