mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
