I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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