Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
