I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
