My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
