absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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