she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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