I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
