he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
