Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Randomize
Follow @tfln