I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I deserve this hangover.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
