Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(850): View more from Florida

So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent

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(313): View more from Michigan

her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli

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(630): View more from Illinois

i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(415): View more from California

Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.

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(702): View more from Nevada

It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.

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(319): View more from Iowa

I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.

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(573): View more from Missouri

I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent

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