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I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I FOUND THE LEGS
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
