Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
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Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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