He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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