and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
