I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
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If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
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At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You did what with his pubic hair?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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