It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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