you turned your livingroom into a bong?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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