We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
