I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
